"So I can star in more movies," Nicolas Cage Comments on Plans to Clone Self

Reports came in Wednesday that actor Nicolas Cage plans to clone himself so that he can take more movie roles. “There are so many roles out there these days, National Treasure 3, Ghost Rider 3, Sorcerer’s Apprentice 2, I mean how’s a guy to decide! This way I won’t have to. And there’s the added bonus that with twice as many roles, I’m sure to land at least one good one.”

            Cage, an actor who has recently run into significant financial troubles, is desperate to find extra sources of income whether it be starring in wacky children’s adventure films or cloning himself.

            Cage will be the first human to undergo the cloning process, which is largely unproven and highly risky.

            When asked about it Cage replied, “Oh well you see, it’s all part of the whole lab monkey gig. You sit there and they inject you with this miscellaneous needle and that untested chemical and then you tell them what it does to you. And then get this, they pay you for it. Yeah, pay you, like real cash! It’s a little scam in the system I discovered a few years back.”

            Nicolas Cage underwent the initial DNA extraction procedure on Wednesday afternoon. Reporters were able to catch up with the actor outside the clinic at a bus stop. “It went really well,” commented the actor, “They made some ‘mistakes’ so my insurance is filling me out a fat payment. I’m really happy about it all. And I’m hoping that I can get the added bonus of a clone. Think of all the work I’ll be able to take in addition to acting: Restaurants, department stores, schools. I’ll really be in the money . . . Hey do any of you have a quarter for bus fare?”

            Researchers say the science behind the cloning process is ‘very iffy’ but that they hope for the best in the end. “Nic’s a tough guy, it’s not like he’s never roughed out some side-effects before, just remember the whole new Rogaine hair chemical fiasco from a few years back. Uck, awful stuff. But Nic took it in stride.”

            Cage will undergo the second part of the procedure on Friday. As of now Cage is looking for extra work since being fired as Starbucks Barista after stealing the tip cup.   

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