"So I can star in more movies," Nicolas Cage Comments on Plans to Clone Self

Reports came in Wednesday that actor Nicolas Cage plans to clone himself so that he can take more movie roles. “There are so many roles out there these days, National Treasure 3, Ghost Rider 3, Sorcerer’s Apprentice 2, I mean how’s a guy to decide! This way I won’t have to. And there’s the added bonus that with twice as many roles, I’m sure to land at least one good one.”

            Cage, an actor who has recently run into significant financial troubles, is desperate to find extra sources of income whether it be starring in wacky children’s adventure films or cloning himself.

            Cage will be the first human to undergo the cloning process, which is largely unproven and highly risky.

            When asked about it Cage replied, “Oh well you see, it’s all part of the whole lab monkey gig. You sit there and they inject you with this miscellaneous needle and that untested chemical and then you tell them what it does to you. And then get this, they pay you for it. Yeah, pay you, like real cash! It’s a little scam in the system I discovered a few years back.”

            Nicolas Cage underwent the initial DNA extraction procedure on Wednesday afternoon. Reporters were able to catch up with the actor outside the clinic at a bus stop. “It went really well,” commented the actor, “They made some ‘mistakes’ so my insurance is filling me out a fat payment. I’m really happy about it all. And I’m hoping that I can get the added bonus of a clone. Think of all the work I’ll be able to take in addition to acting: Restaurants, department stores, schools. I’ll really be in the money . . . Hey do any of you have a quarter for bus fare?”

            Researchers say the science behind the cloning process is ‘very iffy’ but that they hope for the best in the end. “Nic’s a tough guy, it’s not like he’s never roughed out some side-effects before, just remember the whole new Rogaine hair chemical fiasco from a few years back. Uck, awful stuff. But Nic took it in stride.”

            Cage will undergo the second part of the procedure on Friday. As of now Cage is looking for extra work since being fired as Starbucks Barista after stealing the tip cup.   

 Nicolas Cage is trying to become to millionaire again, but what would YOU do if you were one? Find out now at Butlr.com, the Fantasy Millionaire Game!

 

Smug College Student Thinks He Has 'Struck it Rich'

College student Brad Stilner is confident he has struck it rich with his new idea. “Yeah, it’s like a website. I can’t say much, it’s still like in the brainstorming phase” said the arrogant teen as he stuffed Doritos into his mouth while sitting on his La-Z-Boy sofa. The student provided no details on the implementation or design of his idea.

“Yup I got a pretty good idea. I’ll be the next Instagram,” smugly said the student while playing the latest Call of Duty. “It’s going to be huge,” he said as he simultaneously placed more Doritos into his mouth.

The young student’s mother was very proud when informed her son had ‘the next big idea’. “He’s always been like that, thinking up ideas! Once I told him to eat his vegetables because there were starving kids in Africa. And you know what he said,? He said ‘It’s not like we could get the vegetables there very easily’. What a smart boy he is, always thinking!”

Although the idea is still completely undeveloped and without any proof that it will work, investors have already started evaluating it. One venture capitalist firm has displayed significant interest in it. “We believe firmly in the success of Brad’s idea. The internet is huge these days and if he says he might do something involving it . . . well, we want in on it.”

When asked about the pressure for him to succeed with his idea Brad responded, “What? My Idea? What are you talking . . . oh yeah, that idea. Yeah, yeah. I’ll get on that soon.”

Friends of the smug and confident teen say they have definitely noticed a change of demeanor in their young, entrepreneuring friend. Reports came in that Brad now wears slightly nicer clothes, slicks his hair back, and is even more dismissive of people than before.

“I’ll have to get ready for my public offering, you know like look good and all. I’ve also kept some notes for when they make a movie about the founding of my company . . . Who do you think will play me? I hope not its not one of those Twilight actors . . .”

Friends and family are still waiting to hear the next big idea which the cocky student claims, “ Is gonna be huge” but as of now he is still waiting for his hot pocket to heat up and for the next round of Team Deathmatch to begin.


Brad is rich now, but why not be rich yourself? Live out a fantasy life as a millionaire at Butlr.com, the Fantasy Millionaire Game!

Local Man Torn Over Country Club Decision, Meanwhile Millions Starve

          Today, while millions of starving souls across the world hungered for the smallest morsel of food, local Connecticut man Johnson Malone pondered which country club to join: The snooty Green Haven or the ‘old money’ Golden Acres. 

    “The steak tartare is really just excellent at Golden Acres, although they do mix rather a weak Manhattan.” commented Malone, a man of thirty-six who has spent years kissing asses and saying he likes it to climb the salary ladder of a local law firm.  While countless tales of unbearable human misery unraveled across the globe, Malone, who has always been a logical man, calmly mulled over a mental list of the pros and cons of each club.

“Well I suppose Mr. Walterson is in Golden Acres, but Green Haven has a 4^th of July social ball that is simply to die for,” he said as thousands across the globe suffered in bleary-eyed, hunger-driven fevers.

“But the little weenie hor d'oeuvres are superb at Golden Acres,” whined Malone, “Hmmm, this is going to be a tough one.” Malone spent the early morning debating whether with proper boiling he could eat the rubber sole of his shoe. The Writer’s mistake, rather that was a diseased and emaciated man in Southern India, Malone spent the morning waiting in a coffee line that he silently and angrily declared, ‘too long’, while he pondered whether Green Haven provided club golf shoes or if members were expected to bring their own. “Bringing a big gym bag around with an extra pair of shoes will be a real hassle,” he commented.

Later, as millions doubted the possibility of breakfast the next morning, Malone worried whether the Golden Acres Dining Club had a buffet-style breakfast. “I quite like the portions of a buffet, but I always worry that the chefs might compromise quality for quantity in that situation,” commented Malone as he sped along in his Mercedes.

As of now, Malone is still debating which club to join. Sources say he is leaning towards Golden Acres, but that he is ‘not sure’.

How would YOU live as a millionaire? Would you join a country club? Buy a Ferrari? Take a trip to Paris? Sketch out your own millionaire lifestyle now! 

Charles Barkley To Buy NBA Championship Ring

         "These are my new shoes. They're good shoes. They won't make you rich like me, they won't make you rebound like me, they definitely won't make you handsome like me. They'll only make you have shoes like me. That's it."

     Charles Barkley uttered this quote about his new shoes. Another thing they never did was make Barkley win, or at least win a NBA championship. 

       Reports came last week that NBA Great Charles Barkley is trying to buy a NBA championship ring. The 11-time NBA All-Star, 1993 league MVP, 2-time Olympic Gold Medalist, and NBA hall-of-famer never won a championship in his 16 years in the league. To remedy this blemish on his career Barkley offered last Tuesday to buy a championship ring for $5,000,000. “I mean there are suckahs out there who won and ring and didn’t even make 5 mil a single season! I’m giving a ridiculous deal here.”

           

The 6-6 former power forward approached six-time champion Michael Jordan first. After repeated refusal by Jordan, Barkley continued to protest saying, “Ah c’mon Michael”. Barkley, author of several self-help books, did not give up and even sweetened the deal by adding his lifetime supply of Taco Bell 5 Dollar Boxes. Jordan still refused. Barkley did not seem capable of grasping the vast net worth of Michael Jordan and his complete numbness to money. Jordan later accepted the deal only on the terms that Barkley would also take ownership of the struggling Charlotte Bobcats to which Barkley responded, “That’s ridiculous”.

           

Wednesday morning with still no luck, Barkley turned to the rest of world. “C’mon, somebody, puh-lease!” he commented on Wednesday afternoon. Barkley reportedly said he would settle for a NCAA championship ring also.

This is how Charles Barkley lives his millionaire dream. How would you live YOUR millionaire fantasy? Find out now at Butlr.com, the Fantasy Millionaire Game.

3 Ways to Spend $1,000,000: Dragons, Warriors, and more

What can you do with a $1,000,000 besides buy a house, a new car, and a college education for your child? After this point the list begins to run dry for some prospective millionaires, but I am here to enliven your imagination a bit.  Here are three things you could spend a million dollars on:

Artisan Dragon Hedges $30,000

Scarecrows are out of vogue. And who’s scared of them anymore? A giant dragon hedge, however . . . now that will scare away more than just crows. You won’t have to worry about sparrows, crusading knights, OR invading armies. No real millionaire fantasy is complete without one of these. In fact a garden without one looks empty and dull.

 

Hover Scooter $13,000

Who still walks? Certainly not a millionaire with any self-worth. Right now, everybody who’s anybody, all the fashionable millionaires, travel by hover scooter. Getting from point A to point B in a stylish way now only costs $13,000! Warning: You may look slightly goofy while riding it.

A Terracotta Soldier $765,000

If your artisan dragon hedges don’t do the trick of scaring people away, then this ancient warrior sworn to protect its master will. This is the most loyal guardian a millionaire could ask for, it will even stay dedicated to your service beyond the grave. Also, it is a nice antique piece for any collection of ancient statues. 

 Interested by these fantastic items? Obtain them now and find more like them at Butlr.com, the Internet's first Fantasy Millionaire Game. 

How to Spend a Million: 3 Ways to Spend $1,000,000

The majority of us if given such a large sum of money would pay off debts, set aside college funds, and perhaps invest. But that’s dull stuff, so very dreary. So what does one do after that? Well in this post, I hope to provide you with some inspiring ways to spend money as millionaire, whether it be rocket-powered transportation, dancing under the sea, or saving lives.  

So you have a big bag of money? Well let's talk about how you will spend it . . . 

A Jetpack $99,500

The modern millionaire’s dilemma: “How do I get from one yacht to another in a quick, efficient, and stylish manner”? The answer is very simple, and only $99,500. A jetpack! The Jetlev R200 is a hydro-powered jetpack and perfect for traversing small water-filled with spaces. No millionaire fantasy is complete without it.

A Disco Aquarium Room $173,000

Another dilemma of the modern millionaire is the inevitable boredom of disco rooms. Dancing is fun for a while, but then it grows dull. You need something to entertain you while you dance. Well how about a giant aquarium? I mean what’s the fun of being rich if you cannot dance under the swimming colors of an aquarium?

A Lighthouse $73,000

A third dilemma of the modern millionaire: “How can I help the common man”? Well perhaps the best way, is guiding forlorn sailors to the safety of shore. You can purchase a lighthouse and lead a solitary existence being a beacon of hope for those lost at sea (Warning: This is a serious job. Minimal sick days are allowed. One must also possess knowledge of how to change a light bulb).

Inspired by these fantastic items? Well obtain them and find more at Butlr.com and live out your own millionaire fantasy!  

Cheers!

Who, What, When, Where, How of Buying a RollerCoaster

How do you spend $500,000 wisely these days? An flashy car is always nice, but everyone has one of those. A new house is always nice too, but you need a few million if you want a truly spectacular house. And vacations are nice, but they are far too short-lived. It seems millionaires are at a loss how to spend their money. 

But what about a rollercoaster? You don’t see many of those nowadays! Well if you are interesting in buying a rollercoaster, this will tell you everything you need to know. Rollercoasters range in price, but they usually cost around $500,000. You can find many rollercoasters online. In addition to the cost, you will need to pay for upkeep and repair (You will also need to pay a pimply kid to let people in and out of the ride and work the control panel).

But what type of Rollercoaster do you want? Are you the wild-vertical-drop-type? Or perhaps you’re more of the outrageous-twists which leave you upside down for the majority of the ride type. Or maybe you’re the crazy-twists-that-leave-you-running-for-the-nearest-trashcan type. Either way, there is a rollercoaster waiting for YOU to buy it.

In honor of wild rides and millionaires with hungers for excitement and insanity, Butlr is offering several rollercoasters for sale!

Buy one now!

11 Reasons To Hire A Butler

People do too much for themselves these days. Whether its retrieving a cooked hot pocket from a beeping microwave and missing who the killer was on CSI: Miami or having to *scoff* make your OWN breakfast in the morning, life without a butler is a shame! This is supposed to be the modern age, the age of COMFORT right? 
Well here are 11 Reasons to get a butler. 

1. So you can sit on our arse all day  and watch more television.
Think of all the great television moments you are missing while doing household chores! From the latest discovery on Storage Wars to the newest annoying commercial.

2. To make the neighbors look bad.
Be the envy of your block. The grass will indeed look greener on your side, but that's only because you will be paying someone to MAKE it green.

3. So your garden won’t die. I mean, its not like YOU were going to water it.
Remember that vegetable garden you always mused about last summer? Probably not, but your butler remembers! And he remembered to water and nurture it.

4. So people think you are more important than you actually are.
If you hire someone to do the things you don't to do, just imagine how important the things are that you DO want to do.

5. So you can get in a car and say, “Home, Jeeves”.

6. You have a greater chance of your life being turned into a sitcom.
Fresh Prince of Bel-Air, The Jetsons, etc. Life is simply more interesting with a butler.

7. To have someone shine your shoes for you.
You weren't going to shine them were you?

8. To have some trustworthy to keep your secret alter-ego as a midnight marauding vigilante hero.
Take a lesson from Batman here.

9. If you’re sick of your children you don’t have to take care of them.
Butlers are great at handling brats. Just think about all the bratty, surly, old men who have hired butlers as caretakers. Surely, they can handle your kids.

10.  Who else is going to mix you alcoholic drinks while you sit comfortably in a leather armchair and brood in front of the fireplace.

11. Because who doesn’t like British accents?


Get your own complimentary robotic Butler now at Butlr.com! 

A Millionaire's Best Friend: A Tiger

Last week Michael Jackson’s Thriller died. No, not his immortal album, that shall forever live on in pop history. Rather his pet tiger died at the age of 13. In Tiger-years that is a pretty a good, long life!

Thriller was one of many exotic pets the millionaire Jackson had at Neverland Ranch. Among the other were elephants, orangutans, giraffes, flamingos, and many rare reptiles. People speculate that Thriller was one of the more prized animals in the collection hence the name. But there is also speculation that the tiger was a zombie, also a good rationale for the name. Whatever the real reason, Thriller was a popular tiger and attracted many visitors after it was removed from Jackson’s estate.

Michael Jackson’s net worth would amount to $600 Million today. However, the millionaire should be a billionaire being worth 1.5 Billion, but the lifestyle of the rich and famous exacted a heavy toll on his estate. The costs result from luxurious living and lavish spending. Some of the costs include:

$15 Million to buy Neverland Ranch

$5 Million annually for Neverland Ranch’s upkeep

$20 Million to settle lawsuits.

$65 Million for video projects

$12 Million for divorce settlement

$500 Million of debts

And many millions spent on cars, animals, art, and other needless eccentricities. 

So all this weighs Jackson’s supposed 1.5 Billion networth down to a measly $500 million. But not bad. You can learn a lot on how to live lavishly from this millionaire. 

In honor of Thriller's death Butlr is offering the following items:

A Tiger

A Lion

Michael Jackson's Military Style Coat

The Cracker Cannon: A Powerful Weapon Against Hunger

The moment when you realize you haven’t slept, showered, breathed fresh air or heard a language besides HTML, Javascript, Flash, or CSS6 in over 36 hours. This, as I came to learn, is a Hackathon. 

This weekend Butlr.com took its wit to The Big Brand Hackathon at Madrone Studioes. A Hackathon is an odd, but delightful thing. Home Depot, Kraft, and Toblerone hosted this Hackathon, give programmers a chance to make them an app. At the competition were people of all ages and backgrounds; college kids, professionals, hackathon hobbyists, high school kids, starts-ups, a dog, and even a parrot. (We weren’t allowed to bring our Butlr Bot though! Grr). 

Butlr teamed up JamesNorman. Sleep deprivation and countless energy drinks culminated 36 hours later into a solution to hunger. A military solution. RitzCannon. It aims to solve Hunger. How so? Well the only plausible way of course—flinging Ritz crackers into hungry mouths. The game challenges users to hurl a cracker into a moving hungry mouth. Expect to see it as a wage-earning minigame on Butlr.com soon.

When eyelids were drooping, recycle bins were overflowing with every kind of energy can, and restroom lines stretched around corners, the event finally came to close and winners were announced. Butlr’s RitzCannon won ‘The People’s Choice Award’ for the app most loved by, well, the people! Don’t ever say people don’t care about stopping hunger! We left tired, stiff, and delirious. We left proud. 

A weekend well spent. Check back for more updates on Butlr’s progress. Until then, Cheers from the Butlr team!   

 

-The Butlr Team

Big Kid in a Millionaire's Shoes

A millionaire with a jaguar in his garage is not surprising. But this millionaire never drove his jaguar. Not once. But that is because he never learned how to drive. This millionaire, ironically, was quite wary of technology.

            This jaguar belonged to Ray Bradbury, science fiction behemoth, who passed away on Tuesday. Having published over two dozen novels and six-hundred short stories Bradbury pulled in quite a bit of cash, and not to mention quite a few impressionable imaginations. We have a general idea of how the rich live and spend their money, but just like his writing, Bradbury’s lifestyle and spending were—peculiar. 

            A visit to his living in Los Angeles would tell you this. As a butler I spent many hours there (As a robot I was a great admirer of Bradbury who was both like a father and great deity or legend to me). His living room was messy, very messy, but not with junk. Rather it was priceless science fiction memorabilia—a life-size model of the original Dracula looms over your chair, a scale model of the USS Voyager sits across the room, a scrapbook of every original Buck Rogers cartoon strip is buried other books, and a Hugo award stands to your left with clothing draped over it. All around you what seems carelessly placed junk is actually a museum of the history of science fiction and fantasy. 

            You can buy your very own Bradbury-esque USS Voyager model Here.

            Ray Bradbury was a rare kind of man, and a rarer kind of millionaire. He was big kid who had never really grown up. A man with a true passion and childish infatuation. His lover? Well, science fiction of course.

            May master Bradbury rest in peace.