Monday, August 6, 2012

Local Man Torn Over Country Club Decision, Meanwhile Millions Starve

          Today, while millions of starving souls across the world hungered for the smallest morsel of food, local Connecticut man Johnson Malone pondered which country club to join: The snooty Green Haven or the ‘old money’ Golden Acres. 
    “The steak tartare is really just excellent at Golden Acres, although they do mix rather a weak Manhattan.” commented Malone, a man of thirty-six who has spent years kissing asses and saying he likes it to climb the salary ladder of a local law firm.  While countless tales of unbearable human misery unraveled across the globe, Malone, who has always been a logical man, calmly mulled over a mental list of the pros and cons of each club.
“Well I suppose Mr. Walterson is in Golden Acres, but Green Haven has a 4th of July social ball that is simply to die for,” he said as thousands across the globe suffered in bleary-eyed, hunger-driven fevers.
“But the little weenie hor d'oeuvres are superb at Golden Acres,” whined Malone, “Hmmm, this is going to be a tough one.” Malone spent the early morning debating whether with proper boiling he could eat the rubber sole of his shoe. The Writer’s mistake, rather that was a diseased and emaciated man in Southern India, Malone spent the morning waiting in a coffee line that he silently and angrily declared, ‘too long’, while he pondered whether Green Haven provided club golf shoes or if members were expected to bring their own. “Bringing a big gym bag around with an extra pair of shoes will be a real hassle,” he commented.
Later, as millions doubted the possibility of breakfast the next morning, Malone worried whether the Golden Acres Dining Club had a buffet-style breakfast. “I quite like the portions of a buffet, but I always worry that the chefs might compromise quality for quantity in that situation,” commented Malone as he sped along in his Mercedes.
As of now, Malone is still debating which club to join. Sources say he is leaning towards Golden Acres, but that he is ‘not sure’.

How would YOU live as a millionaire? Would you join a country club? Buy a Ferrari? Take a trip to Paris? Sketch out your own millionaire lifestyle now! 

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