Wednesday, August 1, 2012

Donald Trump Buys Justin Bieber's Hair for $25 Million

Staying in fashion costs money. Last week billionaire real estate mogul Donald Trump tried to purchase Justin Bieber’s hair for $25,000,000. Trump reportedly desired the hair to improve his image for the upcoming 2012 presidential election which he plans to run in. Trump hopes to appeal to the young teenage girl audience with the new hairdo. Assistants tried to inform Mr. Trump of the voting age, but long, flowing hair covered his ears.

“I like the hair, I really do. It’s definitely me,” remarked Trump while vainly staring in a mirror and styling it, “it definitely gets me more attention.” Since then the 66 year-old has repeatedly broken out into high-pitched singing, flipped his hair constantly during board meeting, received several record deals, and even won Teen Choice Award. “You know it’s amazing what you can do with just twenty five million dollars,” said Trump about all the changes in his life.

Trumps purchase was in part spurned by the recent firing of his old hair. Earlier last week there were reports of extended late-night meetings in Trump’s New York boardroom. Heated argument could be heard from behind the boardroom’s closed doors. The argument ended when a loud “You’re fired!” was heard. The doors then opened and a visibly disappointed red toupee left the room. A frustrated and bald Trump sat inside the room fuming.

When asked for comments after, the red toupee said, “I knew I wasn’t performing very well, but I had no idea I was about to get the bucket! I mean I covered his head just fine, and now just like this he fires me. God, how am I going to tell Marie about this, I can’t get work again not in this economy!”

            Experts had originally valued the teen sensation’s hair at only 20 million dollars, but a rival bid by balding NBA star Lebron James caused the price to jump. Trump and James reportedly entered into an aggressive bidding war. The NBA MVP backed off only after notoriously bald NBA sharpshooter Ray Allen joined his team. “Imma look real good next to that shiny head,” said James. Trump won the bid and promptly tore the beautiful mess of hair off the teen singer’s head with a smile laugh. Bieber was left bald, but twenty five million dollars richer.

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