Tax Day & a Hot Air Balloon Ship

 Today in Butlr we examine the life of King Johnson P. Malone again. This time we catch him on tax day. He collects his dues from the other lords and millionaires of Butlr and even obtains a hot air balloon ship along the way  . . . .

Well it was that time of year again– yes, tax day. I woke up bright and early and rolled out of my gold-laced bed. Butlr Bot brought up some fried eggs, roast duck, creamed spinach, and a Bellini champagne for breakfast. I looked in the mirror as Butlr Bot dressed me. “It’s tax day, my good sir,” he said as he carefully laid my crown on my head. I replied, “It’s good to be king, Butlr.”

            My chauffeur drove me slowly through the town in my convertible Bugatti Veyron. Crowds flanked us on either side as we made our way through the town. The first person we were to call on was Duke Moly. We came outside the gates of his house. His private security force quickly recognized me and opened the solid gold gates for our car. Duke Moly was outside waiting for us. He seemed nervous.

            He yelled out, “King Malone, how do you do? I–“

            “Where’s the money, Duke Moly? I want my taxes!”

            He seemed embarrassed and after a little encounter he admitted that he had collected taxes for his land but did not have them for me. Why not you may ask? Well, he told me he had spent them all to buy a giant hot air balloon ship. He was actually millions of dollars into debt. I am a fair and understanding king and we came to a compromise. I left Duke Moly’s estate comfortably seated in my new hot air balloon ship as my chauffeur piloted in the direction of the Oshida estate.

            Now, Marquis Oshida is an odd breed of lord. His estate is characterized by the large herds of Big Game animals he has roaming it and the various celebrities that frequent it. When I arrived, Marquis Oshida was in a large Crane operating a wrecking ball, destroying a house. He had bought the small house and had it flown over to his estate. We brought the air balloon ship down, paying special attention as to dodge the swinging wrecking ball.

            “Marquis Oshida! You know what time of year it is don’t you?” I yelled.

            He got out of his crane, taking off his safety goggles and hardhat and looked at me.

            “Yes, yes, my good king. I was especially harsh and exact in collecting my taxes this year from the peasants and lower aristocracy. Here is what I owe you . . .  Now do you want that in gold bars or shillings?”

            I left that day with fat pockets. What will I do with the money? Well I’ve taken a particular liking to opera recently, maybe I will build an opera house . . . .

            Yes, life as King is good. 

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Portrait of a Millionaire: The artistic millionairess.

Today in Butlr’s “Portrait of a Millionaire” we feature Jewelsofawe and her millionaire dream. Jewelsofawe is an artistic lady who finds inspiration all over the world and wishes to travel the globe in search of beauty. 

Her blog can be found here: Jewelsofawe's blog

The world is a large place. There is a lot to see, almost too much. And you best believe it costs a hefty sum to see it all and see it comfortably. As a millionaire Jewelsofawe would fly, sail, and travel all over the world. She would visit places of beauty and fame and photograph all her travels, creating a beautiful photo-record of it all. Of course in her travels she would pick up would upgrade her wardrobe with the newest and most chic apparel from the shoppes of Paris. The ocean has always intrigued her sense of artistry. When not vacationing in Cannes, France or Parrot Cay or Bali, she would retire to her beach-side residence which would be designed with the most careful attention paid to aesthetics. The walls would be painted using modern tromp l’eoil—that is the wallpapers would be painted as scenes of nature and wildflowers that deceive the eye as reality upon first sight. Each room would have a different theme. The living room would depict the African Serengeti, the dining room would show a Brazilian rainforest, and the kitchen would be painted as a field of thousands of Japanese wildflowers. A tour through the house would be a tour of an art gallery, as the house would be painted with great attention and skill.

Of course on the weekend and evenings she would invite over other wealthy lords and ladies or visit their houses. Outside in her gazebo she and her friends would read and share poetry with one another over a few drinks and delicious appetizers.

This is a Portrait of a Millionaire. Do you have a millionaire dream too? Share it with us today and be featured on Portrait of a Millionaire.

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A Day in the life of a King

Today is another anecdote from the exciting and luxurious life of Johnson P. Malone, Butlr King. This is a small glimpse into the life of a Butlr King and the daily duties he must fulfill.

You know its tough being King sometimes. It’s tough being top dog. And being wealthy. And having expensive, refined taste. Everyone wants a piece of the King. Oh, I don’t mean to complain, but just today for example Butlr Bot woke me up saying there were several visiting dignitaries that wanted to meet with me (In reality I knew they probably just wanted to see my late Renaissance art collection).

It turned out to be Sir Galvini DeNegalli, a young dashing Italian prince. He had with him a large, robust opera singer and the Prima Donna ballerina from the Moscow Ballet Company. With them was also an international banker with a taste for Cognac. I felt obliged to take them all for walk around the island. I showed them the hanging gardens I had recreated last fall and my statue garden. The Prima Donna was especially enamored with one of the Easter Island heads but I told it was not for sale. (I didn’t want to break her heart by actually telling the price of such a treasure!). 

We had some drinks outside the house in the crystal gazebo. Butlr Bot served us cocktails and caviar. We all had cosmopolitans except for the banker who had cognac served dry. He ate many of the caviar also. We discussed the death of the novel and the hottest new lords in the land– the fat Italian tenor finished the afternoon with a grand and booming performance of Verdi.

            I gave them a hasty tour of my Da Vincis and Rafaels and then bid them farewell from the pier as they my yacht drifted away with them waving from the deck. I exhaustively went back inside and sat down on my velvet revolving couch.

            A long day! I cannot wait until I can just enjoy the company of my pet leopard and go to sleep in my King-size bed.    

                        -Johnson P. Malone (Butlr King)

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